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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25094161">Even After All The Promises You’ve Broken To Yourself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameleani/pseuds/Chameleani'>Chameleani</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Parks and Recreation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>End Of The World S04E06, Episode Related, F/M, sad but also happy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:33:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>960</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25094161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameleani/pseuds/Chameleani</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All will be well; you can ask me how, but only time will tell.</p><p>-</p><p>Small drabbles about the last few scenes in End of the World.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Andy Dwyer/April Ludgate, Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Even After All The Promises You’ve Broken To Yourself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1. Empty</p><p>Tom brings his hand to his lips and sighs, feeling the hot air pass through his fingers. He feels this empty weightlessness on his shoulders, a ghost of anxiety and fear for the future, impossibly light and heavy all at once. He’s hungover and exhausted and broke and an idiot. He watches Lucy’s car drive away and, even when it’s gone, stares at the empty place it left behind. After a few minutes, the sun is too harsh on his eyelids and he has to turn around.</p><p>He could call her. He could move to Bloomington and get a job there, but he knows he won’t, because as much as he hates Pawnee he can never make himself leave. He can try to get as far away from City Hall as he wants, but he’s always end up back there, snapping like a rubber band.</p><p>The place is a disaster but he figures that’ll probably be a problem for the next tenant. His head is screaming and his stomach is rumbling and his heart is still beating— so fast, so rapid, so empty.</p><p>Maybe he still tastes her coconut chapstick on his lips or maybe he’s insane but either way, he needs to figure out what the hell he’s going to do now. Jobless, broke, hungover, and empty, Tom searches for his car in the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>2. Half Empty / Half Full</p><p>She tells him that the romantic part of their relationship is over (now, weeks after they broke up) and in some terrible bout of irony he wants to grab her and kiss her and make her forget she ever even had to think those words. Only he doesn’t, because he knows she’ll kiss back, and she needs to win this election. She doesn’t need him.</p><p>Leslie flails her hands around in lieu of saying actual words and Ben watches her stutter and then abruptly leave. He doesn’t chase her or call for her because as much as he needs her, she doesn’t need him. She can’t need him, he reminds himself, so he’ll be the bad guy and make it easier on her. She hated the jerk state auditor who wanted to tear her department to shreds, so won’t it be easier on the both of them if he becomes the jerk ex-boyfriend who’ll do the same to her heart? He watches her car drive away and heads back into the house.</p><p>He’s half empty because he misses her. He’s half empty because his heart wants to hate her a little for being so selfish and beautiful and perfect. Every time he sees her smile or laugh he feels like she’s taking something away from him. Every time she’s close by the world goes silent and his heart beats faster because he loves her so much but she isn’t his to love.</p><p>He’s half full because at least he knows she feels the same way and that gives him a sliver of hope. He’s half full because he’s so proud of her— every single time she makes an audience fall in love with her or meets with her managers he’s so indescribably proud of the work she’s been doing. He’s half full because he broke up with her to make room for something more important and that sort of makes it feel like his campaign, too.</p><p>When she’s a city councilwoman and she’s suddenly his boss instead of the other way around, maybe he’ll finally quit this job he doesn’t really like and date her. Maybe he’ll just move out of state and try to forget about her now. Maybe he’ll keep this job and keep being a pathetic idiot— who really knows? </p><p>He goes back inside and is reminded of the shattered sliding glass door and the hasty note on the counter reading ‘Hey Ben, sorry about the door! We’re going to the Grand Canyon! A&amp;A’. The house is cold and there’s probably a raccoon in the kitchen.</p><p>In spite of himself, Ben smiles.</p><p> </p><p>3. Full</p><p>April, for someone who tries to be constantly emotionless and hard to read, is an easy crier. She cries a lot, about the littlest and largest things, and she hates it. It’s the one thing she can’t control and she absolutely hates it.</p><p>Andy sits down in the dirt and pulls her in his lap. She feels the gentle rise and fall of his chest against her back. She’s managed to curb her tears for now, but when she feels Andy’s breath shudder and his head drop to her shoulder, she lets it go. He readjusts and wraps his arms around her, squeezing her tight to his body. She drops her head and watches her tears fall onto his flannel, turning the streaks of light blue and green dark.</p><p>She feels like an idiot for crying over layers of rock. She looks like an idiot for crying over layers of rock, sitting in her husband’s lap who is also crying over layers of rock. It’s stupid how full her heart is— how everything is so stupidly perfect.</p><p>April loves lamenting. How is she supposed to lament when she’s just so goddamn happy?</p><p>Andy raises his head to kiss her jaw. She feels his stubble scratch her neck and his arms tighten around her waist and everything that seemed so daunting before seems conquerable now.</p><p>“We totally killed your bucket list.” </p><p>“Murdered it! You’re the best person in the whole world.”</p><p>“Yeah.” She sniffs. “I am.”</p><p>“So... where’d you say the presidents were again?”</p><p>“Mount Rushmore, Andy.”</p><p>“Right. And that’s... where’s that one?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The new day dawns </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I am practicing my purpose once again </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is fresh and it is fruitful if I win </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But if I lose</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! My name’s Ani. Even though this is my first fic, I wrote it a few weeks ago. I’ve been writing for a while but I decided I should just post something and I did. I hope you enjoyed! If you wanna chat, I’m over on Tumblr as Chameleani. </p><p>Song is All Will Be Well by The Gabe Dixon Band, it plays at the end of the episode. Excuse any imperfections, this fic has not been beta-ed :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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